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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Depression

Have you ever been depressed? No, not the type of depression where you're just angry from a test, a break up, or the fact that you got grounded. The type of depression to where you have to find reasons to live. Where everyday is a struggle. Where a tiny heartache can hurt you more than you can ever imagine and death doesn't seem so bad. Well that's the type of depression I have felt. I still tend to feel this way.


Everyday I have to look at the mirror and tell myself that I'm beautiful. Text my friends to remind myself that I have them. Hug my baby siblings to feel loved and see innocent smiles. I don't know why I am the way I am. I wish I was different. But I tend to think that even though depression might make me feel weak, I might be stronger than those without depression because they don't really have to fight so hard.


I have thought about suicide but I have NEVER attempted it. I have cut & scratched myself, but not enough to take me to the hospital or attract attention. I have broke down and have never wanted to come out of bed. I didn't want to listen to anything remotely happy or watch anything.Not wanting to eat. I wanted to just give up. But I'm still here.


I restarted my life after the last major break down. I moved to Georgia to live with my mom. Sure I still have my moments, but I know that life is worth the challenge. It may not be great now or at some other points, but I remember that there are good things. The laughter that's shared with friends after a great day of hanging out. The feel of a kiss or a hand intertwined in yours. The proud feeling you get when you accomplish something.


So to any of you with depression, don't give up. I believe in you.

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