My Blog List

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Just a little venting.

Don't get me wrong. The person I'm venting to is someone I love very much. With all my heart. She's my best friend, my sister. But sometimes, like right now, she just puts me in this down mood and I can't stand it.

The guy I'm dating, Dustin, is her ex boyfriend. I talked to her about it before I even thought about dating him. She left him for Andy, her soulmate who she's loved forever (literally). So she said she was cool with it. I know it's against girl code to go with your best friends ex...but you don't live in LaGrange, the rules don't apply here.

Well I think she's starting to form some kind of jealousy. When they were together, they weren't that stable. Constantly breaking up and what not. They just didn't fit. He never really wrote statuses about her or said he was gonna get out of the "game" for her and certainly never picked her over Jason. Well...a month already and I got all that. We just fit together. We've liked each other since the day we met (Yeah..when they were together..that's not good I know but we never did anything.)

But it hurts that I can't talk to Becca about how happy I am. She says I can...but she always says to stay careful because hell most likely hurt me. That makes me sad. I hope it gets better.

Monday, November 8, 2010


Hello there! How are you?I'm doing fantasticles
Do you have any open sores/scabs/cuts/blisters on your body?Hmm not sure
How did they get there?If I have's probably from falling.
In your household, do you and your partner share the chores equally, or....Me & Mom split the chores
Ok-who mows the lawn and fixes shit?My mom
Have you taken any sort of pill/drug/other substance in the last 20 minutes?Nope
How ya feeling?Great
If you could have a field of any type of flower growing in your back yard, what would it be?Lavender
Whose house did you last have a BBQ/cook-out at?Mine
Where there any relatives there, and in particular, any that you can't STAND?Yes there was family and not really any I couldn't stand.
Are you currently in an air conditioned room?Yep
Do you have goose-bumps? If not, what tends to give you goose-bumps?None yet. But being cold does.
Name a planet you'd love to visit, if life on it was possible?Venus
Do you prefer digital clocks, or the old-fashioned variety?Digital
When you're going out and need to look nice, what item from your wardrobe do you always go for?Anything black
Do you need a cookbook to whip up your favorite dish, or do you know it by heart?I need someone else to cook it lol
Name something you think you're better than your BFF at doing:Becca - most school stuff David - making out lol
What is the speed limit on your road? Do you follow it?Uh.......not sure and I don't
Do you know what year your house was built?Nope
Do you know what year your grandparents were born in?Yep
Have you ever seen a naked corpse, or would you like to?Uh...on tv I have...not pleasant
Would you rob a grave for ten thousand dollars?Yes
Would you bury someone alive for twenty thousand dollars?Depends
This is getting abstract, isn't it?Sure
Have you ever wondered why guys grow beards and mustaches?Nope
Would you rather have a Dodge 2500 quad-cab, or a Ford Ranger?how bout a hippie van??/
Are there any dead celebrities that you'd LOVE to bring back?KURT COBAIN!!!!!!! HEATH LEDGER!!!!!!!
Which bill costs you the most amount of money each month?I bet it's electricity
Have you ever rented something from Rent-A-Center?My mom has
Do you still keep in touch with people via snail mail? Who? Why?Nope
Would you stop and explore an abandoned summer camp, if you stumbled upon one?Yes
What are you in the mood for, in terms of food, right now?Hmm....pierogies
Is there any of said food available?No :(
Does it annoy you when you try to talk to people online and they don't talk back?YES
Have you found your purpose in life yet?Nope
Are there any wild animals that frequently wonder into your yard?Deer
Ever shot one?No
Is the PC you're now using, having issues of some sort?It's a school computer that won't let me on fb...that's its issue
Can someone PLEASE tell me what the fuck the point of having a "Smart Phone" is?I don't even know
Can someone tell me what the point of this survey is?Boredom
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at

Friday, November 5, 2010


So this morning I had a meeting with my guidance counselor and mother. It was about college. All the stuff I had to do and everything. I don't mind taking the ACT or the SAT. They're just tests. Tests never bothered me. The only thing is really getting at me is that I don't even know where I want to go. There's plenty of choices...but I'm still unsure.

I have the University of Miami definitely on my mind. I'm a big canes fan...but going there would mean going back to Florida. Not sure I wanna go back there. Same reason I'm unsure about Stetson.

I could stay here and go to LaGrange College..or use my two free years at West Ga Tech. But then again...not sure if I want to stay here.

My last choice is University of Michigan. I'd be a wolverine and my mother would love that. But Michigan is too damn cold. LoL.

I wish I could just do what I normally do and let if flow. But according to the older ones...I have to get started now. Great.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Things change.

Whether we want them to or not...things tend to change on us. Sometimes it just happens out of the blue. Can knock us down when we finally got the strength to stand. Sometimes it's just bothersome and you wonder how it happened.

It seems like my friend & I,  we're changing. It feels like I just bother her. I'm trying not to. But she does seem....different. I know I'm different. Maybe we're not good together when we're different.

I never thought I'd see myself knowing what an actual family is. But that changed. I now have a family to fight for. One I would risk my life for. Stick up for no matter what. Funny thing is, they're not blood related.

I thought I would never want kids. I've dealt with them all my life. But then again, here I am kinda wishing I was pregnant. I know I'd be a good mother. I know I have to wait, but I never thought I'd want them at all.

I never realized how much I changed untill I looked at myself in the mirror and read my old journal. It's amazing how things can come and sneak up like that. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe not. But I can't sit and find out. I have to live life because it's always changing and I don't want to miss any of it.

Friday, October 8, 2010

So it's pathetic

Even though I've made it clear that I don't want anything to do with my dad. I still miss him.
Or at least the way he was.
I do miss being a daddy's girl.
Sure, I've got Lee and Daddy Bowen.
But they're not MY dad.
My mom doesn't understand because she never had a dad. Lee doesn't understand because his dad's always been there for him. Becca's parents are still together.
Heather was never really close to her dad like I was with mine.
I miss it. Sadly.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A song for Becca :)

When everything is wrong I'll come talk to you

You make things alright when I'm feeling blue

You are such a blessing and I wont be messing

with the one thing that brings light to all my darkness

You're my best friend

and I love you, and I love you

Yes I do

There is no other one who can take your place

I feel happy inside when I see your face

I hope you believe me

'Cause I speak sincerely

and I mean it when I tell you that I need you

You're my best friend

and I love you, and I love you

Yes I do

I'm here right beside you

I will never leave you

and I feel the pain you feel when you start crying

You're my best friend

and I love you, and I love you

Yes I do

You're my best friend

and I love you, and I love you

Yes I do

Yes I do...

Yes I do

Monday, October 4, 2010


So yesterday was my birthday.
It was probably one of my worst, but at the same time, greatest birthdays.
I realized who my real friends are and who really cares about me.
I got more money than I really ever have on a birthday...which is good. I need an actual phone plan. Prepaid is lame.
My mom & I actually got along too. It was quite amazing.

But most of all, thank you Bowens for being there and spending time with me on my birthday. It meant alot to me. I love y'all with all my heart. <3

So all in all. What a fantastic weekend.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Happy Birthday to me

One more year.
One less year.
Not sure how to feel.
All I know is that time keeps going.

Friday, October 1, 2010


I wish I could cry.
I wish I could shed a tear.
I wish I could feel some pain.
Just a bit of sadness because you're not here.

Step out of this world.
Join you by your side.
Say my final words.
Release my last goodbye.

Missing our talks,
and the jokes that made me laugh.
Remembering the stuff we never did,
finally starts to make me sad.

It's hard to think you're gone.
It's hard to say goodbye.
I wish it never happened.
I wish you were still alive.

 - Layla Lockdown

I miss you Jonathon! R.I.P!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Just some thinking going on.....

So, we already figured out that loneliness is what triggers my depression into coming back. So that's what I'm trying to avoid. This is why the choice of moving out sounds like a good one.

Becca said I can live with her. Actual seriousness too. I want that. The Bowen house is what I need. I need that restriction. A bedtime, someone to make me study & do my homework. Friends and caring people around me all the time.

Let's hope this happens.

I guess I feel like blogging about my thoughts on you guys lately.

Becca Bowen - Lately you've been the bestest friend I can ever ask for. We seem to be spending a whole lot of time together lately and we might even live together soon. I'm really hoping that works out. You seem to be the one who always makes me happy lately and I love your family. I wish my mom was like yours. I'm lucky to have you as....well...a sister.

Heather Bradshaw - Lately, me & you keep getting into fights. That's so unlike us. We seem to be drifting this year, it's quite upsetting. It seems that texting is the only way to get to you. I know most of it is because you have Timmy now and other friends, but still. Can we please try and stop with all the drama??? lol Ilys.

Kaitlyn Miller - Girl, I don't even know. Me & you got close real quick. We seem to mesh well I guess. I hope to become best friends with you this year. :)

Jason Szkapi - I love you way too much to ever try and hurt you or get mad at you. I hate that.

Megan Bates - Babe, you crazy & I love it! You make my days in 3rd & 4th period! I can't wait to save lives with you!

Mom - I love you and I always will. You're my mom. But living with you is not for me. I need a better environment.

Bowens - All of you, even you Raymond (even though you're not a Bowen) are amazing. This family is crazy & i love every part of it. :)

David McCarty - I love you so much bgf. Nuff said.

Dustin Sheppard - You're such a douche sometimes, but I love you anyways :)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

So tonight was a night of mixed emotions. But as long as I'm strong, I can get through it. :)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Jimi Hendrix is orgasmic

How tall are you?5 foot 1
Do you like bananas?Yeppers
What is your favorite song of all time?Numb by Linkin Park
What do you do on Fridays?Hang with someone
Flip flops or sandals?Flip Flops
Vitamin Water or Gatorade?Vitamin Water
Have you had a beer in the past week?Nope.
If you could have one super human power, what would you choose?Shapeshifting
What is your favorite place?Any place with my friends
Do you read Harry Potter books?Not anymore..I don't re-read books
What is your favorite food?Cereal lol
Where do you want to travel next?Somewhere with my friends....Miami or Panama or somewhere
What is your favorite PJ fabric?Umm....depends lol
Boat or bus?Boat
Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?Ignore
Do you shower every single day?No
Kill the spider or let it out?Kill it
What is your favorite TV show?Boy Meets many lol
Do you eat cold cereal at night?Yes!
Define yourself in 3 words?Honest. Non-judgemental. Trustworthy.
Would you rather be blind or death?Blind
Are you a cat or a dog person?Cat....I'm too lazy for a dog
Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?laugh
Favorite fruit?Uh......grapes & starfruit
Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?Milk & Cookies
Who are you going to vote for in 2008?I'm young...I didn't vote
Firefox, Internet Explorer, Netscape or other?Google Chrome
What was your last thought?I'm so hungry
Favorite element?Hmm air or earth
Where is Waldo?In between my legs
Do you support Paris?Ehh
Why did the chicken cross the road?To come be my dinner
Your favorite Disney films?Beauty & the Beast, Lion King, & Hercules
If you had to pick one car, which would it be?Rapist Van
Most embarrassing moment?There's quite a bit lol
Most memorable past?Yoo Hoo every morning with my Dad
What is your favorite clothing brand?I don't have one lol
Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?Concert
Favorite Place to Eat?Buffets
Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?Hmm.....arm
Would you rather be hot or cold?cold
T-Mobile, U.S. Cellular, Cingular/AT&T, or Sprint/Nextel?AT&T
Water or 100% Juice?100% Juice
What size shoe do you wear? 6??
How do you feel?Okay :)
Romance or Kinky Sex?BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get the number or give the number?get
When do you plan on getting married?When I'm sure I'm ready
Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?None yet
Who do you admire most?Myself lol jk
Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?Cats. 3 of them.
Where do you see yourself in five years?College
If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?Have Sex
What is your favourite word?Awesome
If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?Greece or Canada
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at

My friends :)

About My Friends:

<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>
Do You Have A Lot Of Friends?I actually do
Who Is Your Best Friend?Heather or Becca...or Kaitlyn
Which Friend(s) have you known the longest?Ashley
Funniest?Hmm...Brandon as of late
Most Attractive?Justin Walker. lmao
Best Dressed?I love the way Heather & Kaitlyn dress
Oldest?Um... Ashley
Youngest?Uh.....Lindsey or Iiaonna
Smallest?Besides me....Megan
Most Trustworthy?Heather & Sammi
Who Do You Talk To The Most?Alot of people but I think David has them beat
Who Do You Hangout With The Most?David, Kaitlyn, & Becca
Do You Have A Crush On Any Of Your Friends?................................2 of them lol
Name 1 Friend That Drinks(all of them) Kaitlyn
Name 1 Friend That SmokesDustin
Who Calls You The Most?Nobody in there right mind actually calls me lol
Who Texts You The Most?David
Friend(s) you haven't seen in a whileAshley
Wisest?Hmm....they're all wise in different areas...but probably Jason
Cool To Chill With?All of
Where Do You Hangout With Your Friends The Most?My house, lake, or their house
Random FriendDamien
Last Place You Hungout With A Friend?My house
Last Friend You Saw?Jacey
Last Friend That Called You?Uhh....idk lol
Who Do You Talk To On The Phone The Most?Stephen
Do You Enjoy Talking To Them?Yes
Kindest?Sammi & Elisabeth
Who You Talk To Most On The Internet?Justin
Most Like You?Lindsey or Iiaonna
Who Knows The Real You?Heather
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at

It Seems Like...

All I have to do to get attention these days is to change my style a bit.
My glasses started to annoy me, I stopped wearing.
I started finding ways to make my wardrobe all punkish, I started dressing like that.
I started teasing my hair so I could do something with it.
My makeup's been getting a little better.

Now that all of that has been done, I get alot more attention. Are people really that into looks??

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Life isn't really hard right now, but it feels like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders.
I think it's because several things are being thrown at me and I'm trying to balance everything.
School, social life, family life, trying to find a job, and actually hoping for a boyfriend.

So far my grades...well French anyway is slipping. I don't want to fail any classes again.
My social life is sky rocketing. I'm actually always doing something on the weekends now. I've craved this and I don't want to let it go. But I might have to. Just a little at least.
I hardly spend time with my family anymore and I know I should because my grandparents keep nagging.
Since my social life is sky rocketing, I constantly need money I don't have. Between my phone & my college class...I'm drained.
I'm also sick & tired of seeing all these cute couples. I hate being picky too. I just want a boyfriend who I can actually like and appreciate.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

It's amazing how much better you feel after catching up on your sleep and having a good breakfast. No wonder all the non-bus riders look cheerful. Haha.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Of course I have nothing else better to do...

So I'm going to do a survey. Why? Because I'm on a writers block right now.. well not really. But I'm debating on how to write it all. So...yeah.

Hair ColorNot even a specific one anymore. Played with it too much.
Eye ColorBrownish hazel
Your opinions please?
AbortionIt's the pregnant persons choice. I don't think I could do it though.
Capital PunishmentNot my business.
ImmigrationLet them live here and do the crappy jobs. I don't care.
WarHurry up with it already.
AmericaHas turned into a fucked up place.
Gay MarriageYes please. The only thing I can really support.
The EconomyIs as down as Lil Wayne and I.
Political Party are youIndependent.
Extrovert or IntrovertExtrovert with some introverted qualities.
Favorite sportFighting (UFC)
Favorite person from that sportAnderson Silva
Favorite personMe.
Bothers youRacism and homophobes mostly. Also having broken headphones.
Are you passionate aboutGay marriage. Love of all types. Helping people.
Do you really think about yourselfI think I'm an okay person considering where I came from.
Favorite cultureGreek
Most attractive ethnicityGreeks and Indians
Favorite childhood cartoonRugrats, Simpsons, and South Park
Favorite childhood memoryGetting Yoo-Hoo's every morning with my dad before school.
Favorite subjectAs of now. AP Psychology and Patient Care.
What do you want to be when you grow upEither a psychologist, a bartender, or a nurse.
What would be your ideal lifeA life where I'm happy and in love.
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at

Friday, September 3, 2010


I think I'm going to start dedicating songs to can play these songs at my party when I die. LoL. This one's for my dad father.

Perfect by Simple Plan

Hey dad look at me

Think back and talk to me

Did I grow up according to plan?

And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?

But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I'm never gonna be good enough for you

I can't pretend that

I'm alright

And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry

I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry

I can't be perfect

I try not to think

About the pain I feel inside

Did you know you used to be my hero?

All the days you spent with me

Now seem so far away

And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I'm never gonna be good enough for you

I can't stand another fight

And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry

I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry

I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said

Nothing's gonna make this right again

Please don't turn your back

I can't believe it's hard

Just to talk to you

But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry

I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry

I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I'm sorry

I can't be perfect

Now it's just too late and

We can't go back

I'm sorry

I can't be perfect

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I love this song! It's pimp!

You ready?! Let's go!

Yeah, for those of you that want to know what we're all about

It's like this y'all (c'mon!)


This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill

Fifteen percent concentrated power of will

Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain

And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!

Mike! - He doesn't need his name up in lights

He just wants to be heard whether it's the beat or the mic

He feels so unlike everybody else, alone

In spite of the fact that some people still think that they know him

But fuck em, he knows the code

It's not about the salary

It's all about reality and making some noise

Making the story - making sure his clique stays up

That means when he puts it down Tak's picking it up! Let's go!

Who the hell is he anyway?

He never really talks much

Never concerned with status but still leaving them star struck

Humbled through opportunities given despite the fact

That many misjudge him because he makes a living from writing raps

Put it together himself, now the picture connects

Never asking for someone's help, or to get some respect

He's only focused on what he wrote, his will is beyond reach

And now it all unfolds, the skill of an artist

This is twenty percent skill

Eighty percent beer

Be a hundred percent clear cause Ryu is ill

Who would've thought that he'd be the one to set the west in flames

And I heard him wreck it with The Crystal Method, "Name Of The Game"

Came back dropped Megadef, took em to church

I like bleach man, why you had the stupidest verse?

This dude is the truth, now everybody's giving him guest spots

His stock's through the roof I heard he's fuckin' with S. Dot!


They call him Ryu, he's sick

And he's spitting fire

And mike got him out the dryer he's hot

Found him in Fort Minor with Tak

What a fuckin' nihilist porcupine

He's a prick, he's a cock

The type woman want to be with, and rappers hope he get shot

Eight years in the making, patiently waiting to blow

Now the record with Shinoda's taking over the globe

He's got a partner in crime, his shit is equally dope

You wont believe the kind of shit that comes out of this kid's throat

Tak! - He's not your everyday on the block

He knows how to work with what he's got

Making his way to the top

He often gets a comment on his name

People keep asking him was it given at birth

Or does it stand for an acronym?

No he's living proof, got him rocking the booth

He'll get you buzzing quicker than a shot of vodka with juice

Him and his crew are known around as one of the best

Dedicated to what they do and give a hundred percent

Forget Mike - Nobody really knows how or why he works so hard

It seems like he's never got time

Because he writes every note and he writes every line

And I've seen him at work when that light goes on in his mind

It's like a design is written in his head every time

Before he even touches a key or speaks in a rhyme

And those motherfuckers he runs with,

The kids that he signed?

Ridiculous, without even trying,

How do they do it?!

[Chorus - repeat 2x]

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


What do you prefer when you get into a relationship?
1- Would you rather have a fun fling or a lasting relationship?How about a lasting relationship that's fun??
2- What was your longest relationship?8 months
3-What is your favorite personality trait?Hmm...probably a sense of humor...but I like guys to be sarcastic.
4- What is the most romantic thing a significant other could do?Learn to play Layla on the guitar and sing it to me
5- When you are dating someone, what is the most important thing to you?To trust each other
6- Do you like pet names (ex: baby, sweetheart...)?Eh.. I can handle BABY. Babe, sweetheart, sweetie, darlin, and stuff like that...NO!
7- What is your ideal night out with a significant other?Hmm...just a night out with the friends...having fun. I really want a beach or bonfire date.
8- What is your ideal night in with a significant other?Just chilling out, watching movies, eating good food, wearing pajamas. Comfortable dates ftw
9- Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it?Nope.
10- Do you like relationships that invovle serious commitments? serious...??? stuff is fine. Engagement and marriage and shit...NO! Not yet. LoL
11- If you ever got engaged, how would you want it to happen?Spontaneously...not in front of people.
12- If you were engaged, would you want a wedding as soon as possible?No...I don't really want a big wedding..I want more of a wiccan ceremony
13- Do you like to talk about the future when in a serious relationship?More like...What IF.. lol
14- Do you prefer a sensitive open relationship or a strong silent type?open
15- When in a relationship do you have to have contact with your partner on a daily basis?Eh,,I like to lol
16- Do you like public displays of affection?Not really..some things are ok...but I don't make out in public.
17- Is there anything you won't tolerate while in a relationship?A guy treating me, my friends, or my family like shit
18- What is one thing that you value most in a relationship?Honesty
19- Would you ever be able to handle a long-distance situation?NO!
20- Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage?'s like...seeing what you're going to be living with for the rest of your life
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at

Sunday, August 29, 2010


So my Uncle Steven really pissed me off!
How the hell do you lead someone on..then just tell them HEY I DON'T WANNA DATE YOU CUZ YOU HAVE A HALF-BLACK KID!


She loved you!
You have been treated like shit from everyone all your life but her!

Just wait..something's gonna get your ass.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Shortie Like Mine

I've decided that since I'm always bored in this library...I might as well put some songs lol


Only thing that keeps me up when I'm feelin' down

I don't know about you but I gotta keep mines around cause

I done looked out and searched and it's hard to find another shorty like mine

baby yes I'm addicted to how we kick it everything you say to me

Never knew it could be so wicked hopin' that you stay wit me

search around the world but you will never find another shorty like mine

shorty like mine


I tell my niggas that uh you got a girl but she ain't nothin' like (mineeee)

Cute face nice size like (mineee)

Stay kitted hood wit like (mineee)

mean walk talk Chris help me tell 'em what's up

[Verse 1]

I knew when I ran into this one she would be the redrum of my pimpin'

Knew she would be the one to make me stop caring about other girls

on my jock and gettin' them she was the one to slow me down hold me down

I roll wit her know go wit it now I'mma grow wit it now I'ma go get her that's how

I got her don't be mad you can't get one hotter broke them up when they made lil' momma

I don't care what my niggas say she been there everyday for my drama Some of the homies

hate cause they want her wish they the ones that's datin' my woman gone get a good look cause she fine

and I don't mind cause she mine



[Bridge (Chris Brown):]

I got all this love inside of me and all I wanna do is give it to her

I don't care what the fellas say bout it cause I got somethin' to say bout it

Wat I'm about to say is straight up real talk no cut I don't play bout' it

There ain't a price u can put on a girl who knows just what to say when

you need to hear it the most and I'ma tell you somethin' else if

I don't know nothin' else I know



[Verse 3]

I wanna give her the world and I ain't even tryna lose her

I'm addicted to my girl and the way that she twirls in that little skirt

just for me in the club in the crib in the streets she represent for l-b-dub

e-n-t she a nice with the pretty brown bright eyes I'm a winner wit the

right prize I'ma give it to her to the rhythm of a hi-hat she got a beautiful mind

you can't buy that and the site of her behind when she walk on by make a

nigga wanna try that she got the prettiest smile and she gangsta keep me

from runnin' wild and I thank her and we can talk about anything she got

good conversation my homie and my friend and plus she patient




Tuesday, August 24, 2010

To Fill In The Time.

You know, the library's pretty freaking great. But after spending an hour (3 during exam time) a day in here since last year can get you really sick of it. It's soooooooooo boring.

Especially when there's another class here and I'm supposed to be confined to the back room. BLAH!

Right now it's 2nd period. I'm supposed to be doing French work. But since my computer back here took so long to load, I'm blogging instead.

I really hate that I didn't pass French last semester, I wouldn't be doing this again. UGH! But at least it's just one semester. I can handle that...I think. LoL.

So'm afriad to post pictures now. I keep having to take them off. First Alex's girlfriend gets mad, then Jacey's mom gets mad. It's just a pipe!! lol But whatever. It's picture more I have to take off. I'll deal.

I think I'm going to go on Tumblr now. I have nothing more to write..unless you wanna hear how hungry and tired I am... :P

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Heather inspired a

My best friend Heather is the one who got me started on this thing. Well, while reading her many blogs, I found one that basically listed all the guys she's been with what went wrong. Well I figured I'd do that, but for guys who also just meant a great deal to me that faded away. Some names will be changed for their safety.

Zachary Parker - I liked you sooo much when we were younger. We were basically bf and gf. You saved me from rape, literally. I thank  you all the time in my head for that. I hope you're doing well.

Justin Huard - to describe you?? I guess you can say you and I have had a hot & cold thing since Summer of 2006. One minute we love each other and the next we can't stand each other. You're unhealthy for me.

Sherwayne Bell - We were the best of friends. We met in 8th grade, you knew I loved you, but you're not the dating type. You would tell me that you loved me though and that was enough. I basically loved everything about you. I would talk to you nearly everyday. But then we started to fade. June 3rd, 2009 was the last day I saw you. I miss you so much.

Shawn Cameron - You were a great guy and my first highs chool boyfriend, and it took me a while to realize that you were so great. No matter how mean I was to you, you never stopped caring and I'm sorry for treating you the way I did. When we dated, I wasn't really a fan of all the hyperness and the pda. I just wanted something different at the time.

Jeremy Drahucz - Wow. 2 days. I swear to god, you put a lot of painful experience into just 2 days. You used me to get to Rebecca and broke up with me in Hot Topic. It wasn't even you, it was William. I still hate you for that. WHO THE HELL BREAKS UP WITH SOMEBODY IN THEIR FAVORITE STORE?! You were the first guy I've ever made out with. The thought sickens me though.

Ravi Roberson - You didn't like me the whole time we went out. You ass. At least you were honest with that though.

Popvero (has nothing to do with anyone in Vero) - F*** YOU! YOU MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE AND WE NEVER EVEN DATED!!!!

Lunchbox - Our relationship was mostly over text, I'm sorry I started things because I never intended to keep it going. 

8 - You were my first real love. I learned a lot from you. You were a lot of firsts for me. A little bit of lasts too. Things just changed and we both moved on. I still love and care for you with all my heart.

David McCarty - You were great, but you came at a bad time. I'm sorry for breaking your heart when you were just trying to heal mine.

Pusher - You're this nickname for many reasons. You only wanted me for one thing. I'm glad I didn't give it to you. Only one good thing came from dating you. He's my best friend.

Fun Buddy - Things were great with you. But I grew up and realized I couldn't do it anymore. I started feeling bad and wanting more, and that's not what it was supposed to be. I feel you still want it, but it's not going to happen. I hope it doesn't.

Frank - You were amazing. A perfect boyfriend. But with everyone telling me it was a waste of time, it all went to my head. I'm sorry for not handling things differently.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Changing For The Better

So I got this new haircut. I like it a lot.
Not only does it look sexy and it suits me.
But it resembles my change.

I want to expand more this year, I want to do better.
I want to make more friends.
I want to have better grades.
I want to get a job.
I want to have more things to do.
A boyfriend would be nice too.

It's not like I'm unhappy with life now. 
I'm not.
I have great friends and a great family.
I just need to grow instead of staying in a shell forever.
Time is going by fast and soon I'll be an adult. Time to just start growing now. :)

What the hell is with you?

I randomly started talking to you one day.
Now I talk to you everyday.
I used to not care about you.
Now I kinda do.
You used to never be on my mind at all.
Now it's like a second home to you.
I'm embarrassed to feel this way, I feel like everyone else.
But I love our conversations.
I love the way you make me laugh.
I love how I amuse you.
I hate that I can't talk to you or can't hang with you more.
I like how you stalk me on facebook hehe.

I hope you don't read this.

I like you.


Friday, August 6, 2010

Today Was One Of Those Great Days

Today was one of those great days where I felt really happy.
I love being surrounded my friends, and my hyper self comes out.
Dancing around and laughing.
Swimming is great too.
We should do stuff like this more often. I was perfectly distracted. :)
Thank you Heather for suggesting this. :)
The Monsters Reunited :)
The girl who made it all possible with her boyfriend. I love this picture I took of them.

The people who make me really hyper were there as well. :) I love how my boobs are just popping out.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Have you ever been depressed? No, not the type of depression where you're just angry from a test, a break up, or the fact that you got grounded. The type of depression to where you have to find reasons to live. Where everyday is a struggle. Where a tiny heartache can hurt you more than you can ever imagine and death doesn't seem so bad. Well that's the type of depression I have felt. I still tend to feel this way.

Everyday I have to look at the mirror and tell myself that I'm beautiful. Text my friends to remind myself that I have them. Hug my baby siblings to feel loved and see innocent smiles. I don't know why I am the way I am. I wish I was different. But I tend to think that even though depression might make me feel weak, I might be stronger than those without depression because they don't really have to fight so hard.

I have thought about suicide but I have NEVER attempted it. I have cut & scratched myself, but not enough to take me to the hospital or attract attention. I have broke down and have never wanted to come out of bed. I didn't want to listen to anything remotely happy or watch anything.Not wanting to eat. I wanted to just give up. But I'm still here.

I restarted my life after the last major break down. I moved to Georgia to live with my mom. Sure I still have my moments, but I know that life is worth the challenge. It may not be great now or at some other points, but I remember that there are good things. The laughter that's shared with friends after a great day of hanging out. The feel of a kiss or a hand intertwined in yours. The proud feeling you get when you accomplish something.

So to any of you with depression, don't give up. I believe in you.

Friday, July 16, 2010


With your long hair
and your piercing eyes,
it's no wonder you got me hypnotized.

I love it when you tickle me,
I love it when we kiss.
Can't stand not being around you,
you're too hard to resist.

You're my IV, you keep me stablized.
You're the one I always need when I'm breaking into cries.
So hold me tight, never let go.
Take me by the hand, let this love grow.

When I'm playing with your long hair,
or staring into those piercing eyes,
I've got this feeling. I've got nerves. I'm hypnotized.

When you tickle me, I can't help but laugh.
When we kiss, forever's how long I hope it lasts.
And when you're not around me, I miss you.
You're like a drug that's hard to resist, and I don't want to.

You're my IV, you keep me stablized.
You're the one I always need when I'm breaking into cries.
So hold me tight, never let go.
Take me by the hand, let this love grow.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

For When I Die Mom

           Mom, all my life, I've been confused about our relationship. We never had a typical mother/daughter bond. I always wondered if you would be happy if you'd never had me. I felt like a curse, not a blessing.
            But all in all, you did what you had to to make sure me, Alex, AJ, Lee, & Jenna were fed. I love you and glad I had you as a mom. Please make sure Alex and AJ are always happy.


My letter to Dad if I die.

         I used to be your little girl. I looked up to you. But quite frankly, you're an asshole.
I tried so hard to spread my wings, move on, and do new things. But that wasn't good enough for you.
         You wanted me to stay in West Palm forever...but that's not me. I can't be in one place forever. You couldn't understand that.
          You never let me live it down that I went to go live with Mom. But the truth is, I didn't want to live with either one. You guys are both aggravating because of your mood swings and personality changes. But I do have to give you some credit.
              .......At least you kept me.
         I just hope that one day you open your eyes and realize that not everything is about you, or is meant to please you.

Dear Dad, Fuck You

You're such an asshole and sometimes I'd wish you'd die.
I wish your ass would pay for all the times you made me cry.
I know I mess up and I make mistakes.
But I never thought you would resort to all this hate.
Don't you miss me? Just a little bit? Or even at all?
It sucks that you don't even say hi whenever I try to call.
I'm done with the trying. I'm done with the tears being shed.
I'll just do you a favor, I'll stay away. I'm practically dead.

A Part Of Me I Can't Understand

How I can find a guy who's absolutely amazing and I always fuck it up just because I can't feel a spark. I wish I wasn't like this sometimes.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

These Things On My Mind

I feel lonely and incomplete.
I want someone to love.
Someone who loves me back.
Who won't treat me like shit.
Who can handle me at my best & worst.
I try to be strong and say I don't care, that's bullshit.
I hate being single.

My Family
It's like my mom only likes me when I'm away.
My Stepdad likes me more than she does.
My Uncle Paul is fucking annoying.
All this family can do is start drama and it get's on my nerves.
Taylor & Kathi are the only ones that I seem to genuinely withstand.
I miss having a dad in my life.
My Aunt just reunited with her son Robert. She wants to find Jimmy too. But why the hell does she not want to find Jesse? Oh yeah, she's retarded. Fucked up right?

Heather seems to be the one I can talk to about anything. My best friend.
Sammi & I are drifting,
I hate being the middle man sometimes.
I can't even stand most of my guy friends anymore.

I'm a horrible person with some of the things I do.
My self-esteem is going down again.
This fucking sunburn hurts like a bitch.
I think I'm ready to have sex. I just don't know who to do it with.
I keep gaining weight.
I'm excessively reading again.
I need to do better next year in school.
I feel like I'm failing.
I'm awesome though.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Untill You Go

I love when you hold me, hands & legs intertwined.
When you kiss me, shivers race down my spine.
To just feel you near me,
   to know that you're close.
I feel so safe,
   being with you is all I know.
I always fear for the day you leave.
You say you won't forget, but that's hard to believe.
And when I cry, it's because I'm scared.
Tears falling down because they know life's not fair.
And untill you leave, I'll try not to obsess.
I'll try and enjoy our moments instead of making them less. :)

Unsure Love

I know that when I'm with you, I'm the happiest I could be.
But knowing you're not fully mine, I feel incomplete.
You want me for yourself, won't let me go.
But should I really stay, I don't know.
I feel kinda trapped. Under lock & key.
Everytime I try, you won't let me leave.
The way you looked at me, when I was laying on your bed,
          that's a look I'll never forget.
At that moment, I knew you loved me and it made me scared.
Because after all this time, I never even thought you cared.
Now you're always on my mind and I never want you to leave.
But I want more than anything is for you to actually belong to me.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Heather, you're one of the best friends I could ever ask for.
You understand me more than most people.
I'm grateful to have such a friend like you.
Yes, you're crazy, everyone knows that, and I love you more for it.
Yeah, there are times you're blah, but yeah I can be too...mostly. Haha.
You've never judged me, no matter how fucked up a thing I did was.
You're honest with me. That's the best thing.
You introduced me to the BFC. The best thing EVER!!
We're both sex wanters. lol
I love our fun nights, like when we sneak out. Or have all nighters.
You're more than my best friend, you're my sister, and I'm pretty sure my mom won't complain.
I love you!