Things change.

Whether we want them to or not...things tend to change on us. Sometimes it just happens out of the blue. Can knock us down when we finally got the strength to stand. Sometimes it's just bothersome and you wonder how it happened.

It seems like my friend & I,  we're changing. It feels like I just bother her. I'm trying not to. But she does seem....different. I know I'm different. Maybe we're not good together when we're different.

I never thought I'd see myself knowing what an actual family is. But that changed. I now have a family to fight for. One I would risk my life for. Stick up for no matter what. Funny thing is, they're not blood related.

I thought I would never want kids. I've dealt with them all my life. But then again, here I am kinda wishing I was pregnant. I know I'd be a good mother. I know I have to wait, but I never thought I'd want them at all.

I never realized how much I changed untill I looked at myself in the mirror and read my old journal. It's amazing how things can come and sneak up like that. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe not. But I can't sit and find out. I have to live life because it's always changing and I don't want to miss any of it.

So it's pathetic

Even though I've made it clear that I don't want anything to do with my dad. I still miss him.
Or at least the way he was.
I do miss being a daddy's girl.
Sure, I've got Lee and Daddy Bowen.
But they're not MY dad.
My mom doesn't understand because she never had a dad. Lee doesn't understand because his dad's always been there for him. Becca's parents are still together.
Heather was never really close to her dad like I was with mine.
I miss it. Sadly.

A song for Becca :)

When everything is wrong I'll come talk to you


You make things alright when I'm feeling blue



You are such a blessing and I wont be messing

with the one thing that brings light to all my darkness



You're my best friend

and I love you, and I love you

Yes I do



There is no other one who can take your place

I feel happy inside when I see your face

I hope you believe me

'Cause I speak sincerely

and I mean it when I tell you that I need you



You're my best friend

and I love you, and I love you

Yes I do



I'm here right beside you

I will never leave you

and I feel the pain you feel when you start crying



You're my best friend

and I love you, and I love you

Yes I do



You're my best friend

and I love you, and I love you

Yes I do

Yes I do...

Yes I do

Birthday

So yesterday was my birthday.
It was probably one of my worst, but at the same time, greatest birthdays.
I realized who my real friends are and who really cares about me.
I got more money than I really ever have on a birthday...which is good. I need an actual phone plan. Prepaid is lame.
My mom & I actually got along too. It was quite amazing.

But most of all, thank you Bowens for being there and spending time with me on my birthday. It meant alot to me. I love y'all with all my heart. <3

So all in all. What a fantastic weekend.

Happy Birthday to me

One more year.
One less year.
Happy.
Sad.
Not sure how to feel.
All I know is that time keeps going.

Meat

I wish I could cry.
I wish I could shed a tear.
I wish I could feel some pain.
Just a bit of sadness because you're not here.

Step out of this world.
Join you by your side.
Say my final words.
Release my last goodbye.

Missing our talks,
and the jokes that made me laugh.
Remembering the stuff we never did,
finally starts to make me sad.

It's hard to think you're gone.
It's hard to say goodbye.
I wish it never happened.
I wish you were still alive.

 - Layla Lockdown



I miss you Jonathon! R.I.P!